I wish..

I wish I wasn’t so shy.
I wish I could apologize.
I wish to fear less and hope more.
I wish I had qualities like sympathy, sincerity and humility but instead I got lunacy.
I wish I could fit myself in my pocket, tie myself to a rocket and send myself to outer space.
I wish to hate less and love more.
I wish to be somebody to anybody.
I wish I could feel the warmth from a good heart.
I wish I knew a girl that would put some color inside of my world.
I wish I already knew her.
I wish I felt the need to stand up for something.
I wish I could talk less and say more.
I wish I could learn happiness.
I wish I’d believe in destiny.
I wish love was either black or white. Yes or no.
I wish I could stop living in yesterday.
I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you that I never lied.
I wish my life was not so boring.
I wish I had the guts to leave everything behind.
I wish I wasn’t so full of shit.
I wish I had one good reason to carry on with this.
I wish I could learn how to be.. me.

The Moldy Moldy Man

I’m a moldy moldy man
I’m moldy thru and thru
I’m a moldy moldy man
You would not think it true.
I’m moldy till my eyeballs
I’m moldy til my toe
I will not dance I shyballs
I’m such a humble Joe.

by John Lennon

a mutual misunderstanding

I will not belong to you; you will not belong to me.

An instant city by the sea rendezvous.

We shall be together and nothing else will matter.

Life will deal with the rest.

Love is life.

If you miss love, you miss life.

I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher.

Waiting on a dream.

Last night I had a dream.

It was about you; at least I think it was you. In my dream there was a girl, she didn’t look like you, she didn’t talk like you, but her name was like yours.

Somewhere in a public place we met, someone introduced us, “nice to meet you” I said. We talked and talked, you had to go I don’t know where and how for long. We are together, walking, talking, holding hands, trying to make every second count.

I see you fading, you are leaving. This can’t be true, what’s going on?

You disappear.

I’m alone; I turn around and start walking alone in this dark, empty hallway.

You are a part of my past.

I wake up.

lowered flags

you can’t mourn about the death of a stranger but
you can learn and realize how fragile life is.
you will learn that we are here one moment
and the next we are gone,
it was all good a year ago people will say.
either way life is not lost by dying;
life is lost minute by minute,
day by dragging day,
in all the thousand small uncaring ways.
so attack life!
..it’s going to kill you anyway.

RIP Rufus.

the floor is falling out, it always does..

Tonight I’m gathering thoughts left for dead, sitting and thinking about everything that could’ve been. Noticing that someone’s getting old and feeling like all obligations I thought I had to my heart are gone. We learn as we go and now I know love is not what I was seeking for.

I find myself on a constant state of going nowhere, running around in circles, again. Mistake after mistake, probably it’s all my fault.. But I’ll try not to fall apart this time; swallowing the blame has become something I’m used to. I’ll keep on dealing my business my way.

Life is always daring me with another choice, another choice and another choice. Tonight I can’t honestly say that I know who to fight or what is right, how to feel or what is real, what I want, what to say or even who to blame!

Maybe this is all because I lack a real plan.. yet I wonder on what you base your plans when you are out of real inclinations. So if it all is black and white, then, tell me what is wrong and right. I don’t suppose that anybody knows.

life’s tragedy

It may be misery not to sing at all,
And to go silent through the brimming day;
It may be misery never to be loved,
But deeper griefs than these beset the way.

To sing the perfect song,
And by a half-tone lost the key,
There the potent sorrow, there the grief,
The pale, sad staring of Life’s Tragedy.

To have come near to the perfect love,
Not the hot passion of untempered youth,
But that which lies aside its vanity,
And gives, for thy trusting worship, truth.

This, this indeed is to be accursed,
For if we mortals love, or if we sing,
We count our joys not by what we have,
But by what kept us from that perfect thing.

by Paul Laurence Dunbar

convicción

Hoy fue uno de esos días en que la más mínima variante de una acción sobre una decisión pudo cambiar el curso de mi vida de forma definitiva, de gran manera y para nada positiva. En realidad es decepcionante y triste, pero más que decepcionante, triste. Nuestra realidad en el país que vivimos es triste. Muchas, demasiadas veces nos olvidamos de cómo obra Dios en nuestra vida, para mi es casi un habito el ignorar este tipo de cosas. Pero hoy fue distinto, hoy gracias a Él todo marcha de la misma forma en que venía. Y sí, estoy convencido que fue gracias a Él. De los errores se aprende y hoy aprendí que debo dejar que el participe mas en mi vida. ¡Gracias Dios!

don’t let me get away.

back then i learned that it’s best not to think about all this.. but lately i’ve been thinking so much about you; memories from a time when nothing else was important, quite simply i was the one for you and you the one for me.

it is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly, head versus heart.. and in my case the heart always comes out victorious. i wanted for us to feel that same old rush and maybe we could get back what we once threw away. but instead.. we shared that sadness, again.

we had a love but we still said goodbye, we never gave it our all, we never made sense! we just didn’t knew what we were doing! never again we’ll be together, never again we’ll fall in love, let’s face it.. we won’t, not while there’s an “ocean” between us.

we can’t be mad, it’s not your fault and it’s not mine. when it comes to the end we just have to let it go. our youth is fleeting so that’s is what i’m gonna do; i’m finally giving every part of you away..

our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss;
just know it was you all along that a had a hold of my heart..

wrinkles on my mind

they keep running day and night,
always,
there’s wonder in everything..

you must not blame me if I do talk to the clouds as often as I do
cause normal is not something I aspire to,
the planet we live in is the mental institution of the universe,
everywhere I see disordered minds.

I’m still looking for that sane spot in me.

yet, sometimes the clouds they talk back..
I’ve come to realize that love is a serious mental disease.
I’ve found that in these matters the only certainty is that there is nothing really certain,
nothing is ever what it seems and if you want the truth to come out you gotta sought after it.
when its all over life will hand you a paycheck, you will end up as you deserve.
I’ve learned that.. I write to be more myself.